Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!