My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
