I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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