dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
