Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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