im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
