Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
