He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
