We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
