i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
