i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
