I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
