just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
