I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
