Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
