i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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