Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
