I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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