I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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