do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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