So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
