I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
