Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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