So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
