i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
