either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
