Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
