thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Randomize
