can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
