Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
