Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
