Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
