i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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