weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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