Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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