please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
