She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i drank out of a bidet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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