I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
