I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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