dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
