Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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