im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
