What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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