The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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