They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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