Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
