around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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