watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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