cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
