i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
