I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
