At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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