So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
