why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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