Someone shit on the floor
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
