the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
