Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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