I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?