You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
