I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
