So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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