we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
