Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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