just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
