her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"