So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's what I'm talking about
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.