All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
