when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.