I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.