The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
