I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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