So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
