evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize