My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
