it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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