Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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