So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
