How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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