Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
