I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
