I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You ruined the universe
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
