dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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