btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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